


Draco Malfoy and the Hogwarts' Floating Dick

by ineloquentcretin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Oral Sex, Porn, Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:02:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29632269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineloquentcretin/pseuds/ineloquentcretin
Summary: Draco is—of course—curious about this whole Hogwarts' floating dick, especially when he heard that the said trouser snake is actually a fucking basilisk and not attached to a human being.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 8
Kudos: 109
Collections: HP Kinkuary 2021





	Draco Malfoy and the Hogwarts' Floating Dick

**Author's Note:**

> My contribution to HP Kinkuary 2021.

Everyone has heard of the famous floating dick roaming around the dingy castle at night. Different tales spreading through the castle like a wildfire ever since a traumatized eleven-year-old Hufflepuff claims to have seen a floating tan banana. She was shaking, wide eyes full of fear as she told the story of the trouser snake who finally found a way out of someone’s trousers. Shudders. One claims to have seen it chasing after a hissing Mrs Norris down the corridor. The other one claims to have seen it swaying as though dancing. A Slytherin claims to have seen it trying to enter the Slytherin common room once, lingering around the dungeons as though waiting for someone to scare the shit out of them. Even Snape claims to have seen it once; when he went to the cupboard to check his potions ingredients for tomorrow’s class but instead found a levitating cock pissing on his precious acromantula venom that costs him a hundred _fucking_ galleons and there it was; drowning in piss! 

Snape was so mad. He almost chopped the bloody head off and put it in a hot burning cauldron, but before he can _accio_ the butcher knife, the thing was gone. Frank n’ beans had vanished into thin air to enter a new King Dong for a new cockadeventure. 

That dick is off its nuts. 

Everyone was sure the dick had gone nutty as a fucking fruitcake, stark staring mad, completely fucking unhinged when Dolores Umbridge walked into her office and found her nasty pink belongings soaking wet in ammonia smelling urine. 

Umbridge went completely starkers. Her screams in agony were heard from the Headmaster’s tower down to the Great Hall, putting the mandrakes to shame. 

The student body cheered for the Hogwarts’ floating dick. 

Draco is—of course—curious about this whole Hogwarts' floating dick, especially when he heard that the said trouser snake is actually a fucking _basilisk_ and not attached to a human being. It’s not because the dick actually reminds him of someone. Come to think of it, that _someone_ is also a dick! Anyway, the said one-eyed monster reaches a maximum length of twenty-five point four centimetres. It can go twenty-seven point ninety-four when erect, for sure. A fucking monster, that thing! It would put the long tentacles of the Giant Squid to shame. 

He is very, very curious, indeed. 

Someone once said the floating dick tends to linger in the dungeons around midnight. No one seems to know why, but Draco is going to find out. 

He draws the curtain open, just enough to peep through it. His roommates are now deep into sleep; snoring like a hippogriff and drooling like a broken faucet. He scrunches his nose in disgust and wipes the trail of his drool on his cheeks. He fell asleep while waiting for the time. 

Draco puts on his shoes and his cloak, not making any noise as he carefully walks to the door. He has stepped on something and looks down. He has to stop himself from puking on the spot when he saw a condom; a used condom with fresh sperm inside. Greg and Blaise are on it again, huh? He shakes his head. He silently leaves the boys’ dorm and soon their common room. 

He steps out of their common room and looks sideways, slightly shivering from the cold air. He wraps the cloak around himself tightly. The dick isn’t here yet. Where is it? Draco walks down the dungeons, away from the Slytherin common room, still looking from side to side. Maybe it’s not here right now? 

Draco reaches the set of stone steps and completely stops in his tracks when he sees something hovering in the air. His eyes grow wider and wider as he sees it. There it was; the renowned Hogwarts’ floating dick, slowly descending the dimly lit stairs. The sconces lighting its way, making it shine dramatically in the firelight. 

His jaw drops as he feels the beat of his heart speeds up. Draco has never seen it before. Rumour has it that the cock is enormous and gorgeous and well, it is. The cock is beautiful and well-groomed. It has the right amount of dark pubic hair, even flesh colour, mushroom-shaped head that is slightly pink and so lickable, a slightly veined skin and big balls. It is also very thick and oh-so-big. It’s a _damn_ Brobdingnagian cockatrice. It’s like Merlin took all his time to craft it and accidentally empties the contents of _gigantic-prick-spice_ in the cauldron whilst making it. 

It’s a Weapon of Arse Destruction. 

An arse opener. 

An arse destroyer. 

Merlin, help him. 

His mouth starts to water. He can feel the drool threatening to escape his mouth, he sucks it back and closes his mouth. The cock stops dead in its tracks when it ‘saw’ Draco. Honestly, he doesn’t know. That moby dick obviously doesn’t have eyes, but he can feel it looking at him. 

The massive cock floats over to him and Draco almost feels intimidated by it. It is really, really big. The Giant Squid would absolutely faint. 

The cock stops just in front of him and Draco feels the insanely need to reach out. To touch. To feel it with his hands. To put it in his mouth and taste it with his tongue. To swirl his tongue around it and god to feel that Excalibur deep inside him. 

Draco feels drawn to it. He reaches out with his right hand as though hypnotized. He bites his lower lip when he finally touches the shaft and Merlin it’s so smooth and he thinks he hears a sharp intake of breath. Draco looks up and looks around. He shrugs when he sees an empty and cold dungeon. He brings his attention back to the atomic cocktapus and wraps his fingers around it. He grips it and gives it a few hesitant strokes and Draco looks, amazed when he feels it slowly hardening in his hand. He gets down on his knees and strokes it languidly. He thinks he hears a silent gasp followed by a low moan. Draco stops to look around but when he sees nothing unusual, he shrugs again and gets back to his business. 

His mouth waters even more as he watches his hand slides up and down the massive cock. He pulls his hand away and spits on it before gripping it again and stroking it more firmly this time. Draco leans in and licks the tip of the cock to taste it. It tastes okay, slightly salty but okay. It smells musky and sort of familiar. He licks the tip down to the shaft. He traces the vein under it with his tongue. He licks his way down to the base then up again, licking the disco stick like his favourite ice lolly. He tongues the slit and swirls his tongue around the mushroom head and stops the movement of his hand. He spits on the shaft and strokes it again with his two hands, harder, setting up the pace. He hears a low moan, but this time he ignores it. 

He strokes it from the tip to the base, pulling back the foreskin to expose the pinky head. Draco kisses the tip again, swirling his tongue around it and sometimes swiping his thumb over it like the way he likes it. He puts the tip in his mouth and gives it a light suck as he continues to move his hand. His other hand reaching down to play with one of the big balls. 

It tastes like heaven. Draco closes his eyes and moans around it. His cock stirring in his pants, straining hard against his silk pyjama bottoms, aching for attention.   
He sucks the tip as he moves his right hand while his other hand fondle the balls. He takes a deep breath and tries to take more of it in his mouth. He experimentally gives it a suck, swirling his tongue around it as he continues to move his hand. Draco moans and bobs his head, still sucking and moving his hand in time with the movements of his head. 

He inhales a shaky breath and takes more of it in his mouth. He stops bobbing his head and just lets it rest there, heavy in his tongue. His hand is still moving at a fast pace. He breathes and sucks, moving his head again. 

The fucking cock is fucking gigantic. 

He tries to take more of it and he gags when it’s halfway down his throat. He inhales and exhales through his nose then gives a particular hard suck then swallowing around it. He thinks he hears a strangled moan but he ignores it again, thinking that it might just be the air. 

Draco pulls away and pants heavily. Merlin, too big for his first time, but Draco likes it this way. 

He gets up back to his feet to pull down his pyjama bottoms and his boxers, groaning when his cock springs free and shivering when the cold air hits his arse cheeks. He lets his clothes pool down to his feet. He takes out his wand from the pocket of his pants and points it to his hand. He whispers the lubrication spell and immediately coats the cock with the lube, stroking it firm and hard. 

He stops and points his wand at his bum and whispers the preparation spell. He has no time to fuck himself with his fingers. It’s going to take a lot of time, especially with a cock that massive. It’ll split him open anyway, arse prepared or not. He feels the magic stretching him out and then, he’s wet and open, his hole dripping with lube. 

He tosses his wand to the floor and grips the cock. He steps out of his clothes and walks over to the nearest wall, still gripping the cock to show it the way. He stops in front of the wall and bends over, pressing his hands firmly against the wall. Draco gasps when he feels it rubbing against his rim. Good. He doesn’t need to guide it anymore. What a smart head, isn’t it? 

He bites his lip and shivers when it nudges his entrance. He gulps when he feels it slowly pushing in. His heart beating wildly in his chest. Draco moans when the full head is finally inside, his head falling forward. He can hear heavy pants coming from behind his back. He ignores it to focus on his breathing. His arse is being torn apart right now. He doesn’t give a shit if someone is out there, watching him get fucked by a floating cock in the middle of a deserted corridor. 

His breathing hitches when he feels it slowly pushing inside him. He stays still and waits. The cock stops, only half of it is inside him like it’s waiting for Draco to adjust.

Draco breathes and pushes back, whimpering in pain as it fully enters him and splits his arse open. 

Fuck. Merlin. Fuck. 

The arse wedge is finally inside his very tight arse, tearing him open with its very thick and very big cock-body. 

He feels so full and stretched and amazing. Brilliant. The fullness and the lovely stretch. He feels brilliant. Draco starts to move his hips when he finally adjusts to the feeling. He pushes back and pulls back, slowly fucking himself with the levitating cock. 

He feels the cock move and Draco moans. God. It’s moving inside of him now, slowly at first, finding a rhythm then faster. It’s moving faster and faster and faster. Draco throws his head back. He can feel and hear the snaps of hips against hips. The massive cock thrusting in and out of him almost mercilessly. He can feel the drag of it inside him. His head falls forward, his hands flexing for purchase against the stone wall. His head is now full of his fantasies; full of green eyes and messy hair and red lips. 

“Fuck, Potter, yes, yes, please...” 

He thinks the hovering cock stops moving for a split second but he can feel it shifts inside of him then thrusts back in again. Draco grunts. It pulls out, shifts again and pushes back in. Draco’s eyes fly open and his mouth forms an O as it hits his prostate. 

“Yes, yes, yes, right there...” 

Then it moves again at its brutal pace. Slamming in and out of Draco, hitting his sweet spot with every thrust. Draco can’t contain the sounds escaping from his lips anymore. He knows his volumes is creeping higher and higher but he’s way far out of his wits to care. His hips pushing back to meet every hard thrust. His balls going tight and he knows he’s close. 

He throws his head back and continues pushing back. He imagines what he looks like; bent over in the middle of empty dungeons while a cock with no legs fucks into him again and again and again. He imagines Potter watching with his blazing green eyes. He imagines it’s Potter’s dick fucking him right now. 

“Potter, Potter, Potter—” 

If possible, the cock even moves faster. Draco whimpers. 

“Potter, please, fuck me, fuck me, ah—” 

Draco stills, his head falling back, his eyes closing and his mouth hanging open as he spills his cum onto the stone wall and floor. The cock thrusts four times more before stilling and spurting warm cum inside Draco. He's shaking. His knees buckling. He thinks he reaches Nirvana. 

Oh, hallelujah. 

The sound of the body hitting the floor brings him back to reality, though. Draco turns around and his eyes grow wide as saucers when he sees Potter on the ground; limp, sated and satisfied. Draco gapes at him. He’s fully clothed but his long silver dong is showing. Potter is also wide-eyed and there’s an angry flush spreading from his cheeks to his ears. 

“Potter?!” Draco exclaims incredulously. “What the hell?!” 

His eyes catch the cloak and instantly recognises it. He always wants to have one! It’s the Invisibility cloak! 

Draco looks back at him, wide-eyed. “You’re— you! You’re— why are you walking around the castle at night with your basilisk of a cock showing?! You’re a pervert, aren’t you, Potter?!” 

Potter pales and shakes his head, his eyes are wide and scared. “Draco, it’s not what it looks like!” 

“Yes, it is!” he shouts. 

“I promise I’ll explain to you but let me just recover first,” Potter sighs and smiles crookedly at him. “I just had the best shag of my life.” 

Draco blushes.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a Tumblr post I saw ages ago. I couldn't find it again.


End file.
